The name for this piece is a nod to the spoon scene in The Matrix. Neo (Keanu) is in the waiting room of The Oracle, and sees a monk-like child bending a spoon by letting go of ‘rational’ logic and conditioning of the mind: what is and isn’t possible. And so he advises Neo:
“Do not try and bend the spoon, that’s impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth… there is no spoon. Then you’ll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.”
But first, the muse for this piece, my friend M, is truly a woman of whimsy and wonder. This is a person who sprained her ankle skipping through the park as an adult. Few people I know experience and seek out that level of sheer glee, even as children. She is a writer making her way. She is delighted by and curious about our strange world. She has an impeccable and truly unique style. She has a wicked sense of humor.
When I asked her to be a muse for the Starborn series, my only requirement for the picture she sent me was that she was wearing her sequin eyeshadow. (Actual tiny sequins. So fabulous.) I didn’t know why, it was just very her, so it made sense to request it. She sent me a series of pictures, and the one that stuck out to me is the one of her looking up, into the ether, that is recreated in this painting. I re-watched The Matrix that weekend (early covid times of re-watching everything) and boom, I realized the sequins would be floating off of her eyes.
The decision to paint this angle, and sequins, was one of the most rookie, naive decisions I’ve ever made. I am a self taught oil painter, and I had only been painting for 2 years when I started this painting. For a more seasoned painter, it might not be a bold choice. 2 years in…too soon. Because painting a face at that angle is very challenging. First, the jaw area at that angle is just confusing. Second, making sure the painting doesn’t feel like ‘NOSTRILS’, upon first glance to the viewer, is not easy. And the eyes are essentially floating in space. All things I learned mid-painting.
And then the sequins…I genuinely thought this would be easy. Shiny, metallic objects, all being hit by different amounts of light, at a different angle, in a different metallic hue…the lies we tell ourselves to go forth. I painted this painting on and off for over a year. Which isn’t at all uncommon, but still, my goal was a month. Also naive.
Several mini-meltdowns later, I am very proud of this piece. There are of course elements I wish turned out differently, or that I included or excluded, but overall I love how this piece turned out, especially her skin and nose. The lighting of the photograph captures just how many colors are in her skin: pinks, reds, oranges, yellows, greens, blues, turquoises, purples, and mauves! All continually weaving in and out of one another. It was a challenge, and so satisfying when ‘it worked’. All of it was a significant leap in technical skill from my previous portraits. I will take the win. *And I will not be painting shiny metallic objects anytime soon.*
I hope this painting not only captures the aura of dear M, but can be a reminder to ‘only try and remember the truth’… ‘There are no Sequins”. When we let go of our conditioning of ‘what our mind knows for sure’, we open up to what is possible. Like shamelessly, gleefully, skipping through the park as an adult.
Thanks for reading.
In love and gratitude,
Desert Dice